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Friday, June 28, 2013

Hack Your Life

Dear Mr. Baby:

Departing from our usual format, I'm taking some of your nuggets of wisdom, most of which you mysteriously report having forgotten almost immediately upon being queried about the afterma...er...result, and sharing them with the world of the internet. Thus without further ado:

10 Life Hacks to Make Your Life...Different

 1) Get flexible about creams. If you apply enough of any cream, it will mostly work for sun protection, and if you usually eat only minimal amounts of things before throwing them on the floor, you can eat just about anything, whether classified as a food or not. So why not use things like cream cheese and sunscreen interchangeably? This allows you to do things like store both your lunch and your lotion outside, without being entirely certain whether either one will rot. as a bonus, it's a pleasant surprise to have a coconut aroma on your bagel once in a while.

2) Pre-prep it! Pre-salt your and everyone else's food by shaking a small amount of salt on each plate in the dining room. Restack them so no one knows that you've done it. They'll be so pleased when they see how much time it saves them.

3) Plan ahead for the doldrums. Keep a stash of boogers in places where you might be stuck for long periods of time. These can be eaten as a snack, made into cars, or simply peeled off and re-glued with some spit for easy entertainment.

4) Paste It! Make a green-brown paste out any food that is served to you for faster, hand-optional eating and easy portability. Remove the food from the original serving container, use the container to smash it, add some water from your sippy cup, and stir. Wear as a mask, or a food-glove, or tucked away to be disposed of later by the dog.

5) Cut down. Cut down on laundry time by skipping the entire process. Offer to take laundry to the laundry room, and then toss it in the dryer.

6) Combine your tasks. If you have the toothbrush out, don't waste an opportunity. Use it to clean the nooks and crannies of the bathtub as well as brushing your teeth. No need to worry about the order of these activities - you can even alternate to make each task seem less tedious.

7) Smash it. Cut down on chewing and digesting by pre-smashing your food. You can do this when it is served to you, or, for optimal efficiency, smash all your fruit right when you get it home from the store.

8) Mouse it up. There is a way to do everything on the computer with a mouse - you may just need motivation to find out how! Remove the keys from the computer to speed up your learning curve.

9) Heat it up. Place anything in the microwave to put the umpf back in your afternoon. Most microwaves automatically cook for 30 seconds just by pressing ''Start.''

10) Think outside the stool. Don't be afraid to use your little brother to reach high-up items. Coax him to right beneath the thing you want to reach, push (the force required will differ from brother to brother) and stand on him. By the time you obtain your high-up item, your ''stool' is already off to a less conspicuous place, and you have ''no way of getting up there,'' so it obviously wasn't you.


1 comment:

  1. Ok...can't. stop. laughing. Oh Mister Babies, your creative out-of-stool thinking and lifestyle is a true inspiration to us all! So many time-saving tips, I don't even know where to begin! Kudos on reuse of boogers by simply adding spit! GENIUS! And HELLO, uh, toothbrush-is-bathroom brush? Yes please! (i'm sooo glad you're my homie, guera! pinche guera! Still laughing...)

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